literature

Finding Yourself (Chapter 3)

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Michelangelo had spent the good part of ten years trying to convince his brothers he was mature. And after all those years of hard work and dedication, he thought he had them convinced. They finally respected him. The following weeks brought many successful missions with them and Mikey had not screwed anything up. Mikey seemed to pay attention more. Leonardo was practically singing his praises for that he didn’t have to the same plan four hundred times over. With this increased attention span, Mikey had also no time for brothering anyone. It had been days since Mikey had received any type of physical abuse from Raphael (Raph was thinking about hitting him just for old times’ sake). Donnie had been able to work in his lab alone without ever worrying if Mikey would run in and make him drop everything. Everyone seemed to be doing better. Even Master Splinter had done less disciplining than he had ever done before. Everyone was happy. Everyone, except for Michelangelo.

With each passing day, Mikey felt more of his livelihood drifting away. He hadn’t done anything fun since that night almost a month before. He would cry himself to sleep every night. Mikey loved the self-esteem boost he had gotten from his brothers. Now, they all want to be on his team. Okay, so maybe not willingly, but they hate it less than they had previously. Instead of constantly being insulted and brought down he was complemented and practically praised. But that wasn’t enough. He was still missing a vital part of who he was.

The trash bin containing all of his possessions was still sitting in the corner of his room, just sitting there collecting dust. Mikey constantly found himself staring at it.

“No,” he told himself, “You are too old for that stuff now.” Mikey was very good at faking a smile. He put one on every time Leo would try to be funny, or when Raph was getting in trouble, or when something blew up in Donnie’s face (both metaphorically and literally). He wanted to make sure his brothers didn’t see how unhappy he was. How unhappy they had made him. And so, he pretended to think things were funny when really, Mikey didn’t even know the meaning of the word anymore. He would have long and complex conversations with his brothers using words he didn’t even know were in his vocabulary. It’s like a mature Michelangelo had been in there all the time, just drowned out by pizza and video games. He hadn’t eaten a bite of pizza since he had given up everything. No one had seen his skateboard. Some would say he was turning into Leo. He became all work and no play. He spent hours in the dojo training and practicing his form. He aimed for perfection, or at least that’s what he told his brothers. The reality of the matter was that he couldn’t be tempted with all the things he wants so badly to do: To play video games, to eat pizza, to annoy his brothers. God, at this point even watching a three day marathon of Space Heroes with Leo sounded good. But no video games, no pizza, no brothers, and no marathon. There was only work.

Raphael became concerned with Mikey’s behavior. He stopped Mikey in the lair one day, “Hey, Mikey, can I talk to you?” he asked

“Sure thing Raph,” he faked a smile and followed Raph into his room.

Raph closed the door behind them and switched on the light. He offered Mikey his cushion chair to sit in as he took a seat on his bed, “Mikey, what’s going on with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you’re not acting like yourself. You’re acting like Leo.” He scoffed, “And I don’t particularly like Leo.”

“Listen Raph, I’m not trying to pretend to be Leo. I’m just growing up.” He shrugged his shoulders.

“You’re still on that growing up thing! It’s been weeks Mikey,” Raph said in a slightly raised voice.

“It’s been good weeks, Raph. No one has yelled at me, or called me names, or talked about me like I wasn’t there. Even you haven’t hit me that much.” Mikey explained

“Mikey, you’re the little brother. No matter how hard you try you can’t change that. So yeah, you’re the kid of the group. And no matter what you do, I’m gonna call you a kid.” Raph smiled at his little brother.

“I don’t wanna be the kid, Raph. I wanna be respected and appreciated,” Mikey lied. He wasn’t about to give Raph the satisfaction of feeling he had figured out something that Mikey figured out long ago.

“I do respect you, sometimes. I respect that you don’t care what anyone thinks of you. I also respect that you respect me. And I know that Leo and Donnie feel the same way,” Raph sighed, “We just want our little brother back.”

Mikey was almost in tears, was this how they really felt about him? Had he really been respected this whole time? It’s highly unlikely. “I’m sorry Raph, this is me now. So you guys are just gonna have to deal with it,” It killed Mikey to say that out loud. It was all a lie.

“Whatever, Mikey. Just do me a favor and don’t work too hard,” Raph stood up and escorted Mikey out of his room. After being banished from Raph’s room, Mikey was adopted by Donnie.

“Hey, Mikey. How’s it going?” His older brother smiled at him.

“It’s going good I guess. What’s up with you?” Mikey sat down on the couch next to Donnie.

“I’m just getting ready to play some video games. You wanna play?” Mikey fought with himself. He wanted so badly to grab the lonely controller sitting on the ground. He stared at it. He could practically see the tiny dust particles falling onto it. The controller was covered with pizza grease and Mikey’s fingerprints. He could practically feel the sweet coating of grease in his hands. He let a small smile purse his lips. He was about to reach out for it when he was brought back to his senses. His smile vanished and not long after it was replaced with a pout. He gulped fighting back a sob as he leaned back against the couch.

“Nah, I think I’ll just watch.” He crossed his arms and rested them on his plastron.
Donnie looked at him, “Are you sure? I would be a lot of fun if you played.” He begged.

“Maybe next game.” Mikey felt horrible. It was as if he were physically hurting Donnie. How could he look straight into Donnie’s eyes and hurt him like this?

Donnie sighed, “Will you at least stay here with me. I miss your company Mikey. You spend way too much time in your room.”

Mikey heart practically broke into two. He could hear the sadness in Donnie’s voice, “Sure, I’m not going anywhere.”

Donnie finished setting up the console and grabbed his controller from off the sofa,

“Thanks, Mikey.” He smiled as the television screen lit up.

Mikey just sat and watched as Donnie’s character was practically demolished by the
computer. He stared intently at the screen. Up, down, up, up, right, Mikey thought as he saw the perfect moment to redeem Donnie’s avatar. Unfortunately, Donatello was no mind reader. The code Donnie chose was one Mikey would have never chosen in a million years. Only moments later, the screen flashed the dreaded “YOU LOSE” text. Mikey stared back down to the controller sitting on the floor. Donnie noticed Mikey’s fixation on the untouched controller, “You wanna play this time?” Mikey wished to nod his head, but something stopped him. A smell all too familiar to the young turtle filled the lair. He turned his head to see Leo passing through the turnstile holding two boxes of pizza.

“Pizza’s here,” Leo’s chipper voice announced.

Mikey smiled. He hadn’t had pizza in weeks. His stomach growled demanding the cheesy meal. Mikey refused. He darted up and over the sofa and out of the lair. He couldn’t handle it. If Mikey were in his right senses, he would have considered that to be the perfect day. It wasn’t every day that he had a heart felt conversation with Raph, played video games with Donnie, and eaten pizza with his brothers. That almost never happened. But it was all a big hoax. They were all trying to change him.

Back at the lair, Leo and Donnie looked at each other in confusion.

“What did I do?” Leo asked. Donnie shrugged in response. Leo grabbed his katanas and placed them in their holders, “We have to go after him.” Donnie nodded as he grabbed his bō staff and attached it to his shell (not without showing off first). Leo ran over to Raph’s room, “Raph, we are leaving.”

“Is it dusk already?” Raph asked.

“No, Mikey ran away. We gotta go after him.”
Raph grabbed his sai and kicked the door down, “Well what are we waiting for?” The three turtles dashed out of the lair.

Mikey had hidden deep in the sewers. It was still day time. He couldn’t just surface from the sewers while New York City was at its busiest. He looked at his reflection in the murky sewer water. He could barely recognize himself. His green color grew darker every day. It was starting to resemble that of Raphael. He was so ashamed of what he had become. A small sob escaped his throat, followed by a larger one, and soon, the sewer echoed with Michelangelo’s sadness.

Raph, Leo, and Donnie had split up to search for Mikey. Raph had been assigned the North side of the sewers, Leo the West, and Donnie the East. If he was in none of those places, they would search the much larger South side together. Leo heard an odd sound deep in the sewer. “Hello, Mikey?” he shouted.  No reply. He walked towards the sound. A few yards in front of him, he saw Mikey’s figure silhouetted by darkness. He deciphered that Mikey had been crying. “Mikey, what’s wrong.” He asked rushing over to his brother’s side. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No. You didn’t do anything wrong, Leo.”

“Then let’s go back home. We can talk about this somewhere that isn’t so dark.” He helped Mikey up off the ground.

“Thanks,” Mikey smiled wiping the tears out of his eyes.

“Anytime.” He wrapped his hand around Mikey’s shared and they walked home.

“Mikey, I’m serious. I wanna know what’s going on, right now.” Leo sat him down on his bed and stood above him.

“I’m sorry Leo. I just want to be respected.”

Leo knelt down in front of Mikey, “I do respect you Mikey. I have always respected you.” He placed a loving hand on Mikey’s leg, “Just because I sometimes get mad at you or call you names doesn’t mean I love you any less.” He smiled, “It’s just part of being a big brother.”

Mikey retracted from Leo’s touch, “I don’t like it Leo. Did you ever think that maybe it hurts my feelings.”

“I’m sorry Mikey. I didn’t know it bothered you so much. I’ll lay off. We all will.”
Mikey smiled, “And you don’t care if I have fun?”

“Not at all. I actually like it. It’s been really boring without you for these past few weeks.” He walked over to the trashcan in the corner of Mikey’s room and grabbed his skateboard, “So, you gonna board with us tonight?” he asked throwing the skateboard at Mikey. He caught it and stepped on it. He smiled his first authentic smile in what felt like forever. The feel of the wooden board below his feet felt so natural. He missed the feeling so much. He flipped the board up and caught it in his hands.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Mikey smiled, “Now let’s go grab some of that pizza, I’m starving.”

“Now that’s the Mikey I know,” he said as Mikey jumped over him and into the kitchen. He opened the box and practically swallowed the first piece whole. It was so satisfying. He had to have more; this time savoring every bite.

When the other turtle brothers returned, one whole pizza had been devoured.

“Hey Leo, thanks for totally bailing on us,” Raph’s harsh voice resonated throughout the lair. Leo and Mikey had been playing video games for hours now. Leo had almost forgotten that he left his brothers out in the sewers.

“Sorry guys, we were having so much fun. I guess I forgot.” He blushed a little.

Fun. Mikey’s favorite word. The one he hadn’t used in so many days now the only word he
knew how to say.
Mikey continues to battle with himself.

there will be a short epilogue to follow up on the story. I hope you like this.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Ninja Turtles.

As always, and kind of feedback is helpful to me.
© 2013 - 2024 ririmania1335
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4evrAllfand0ms's avatar
My heart is just so full of love for Mikey right now! 😄👏👏👏💘